I was excited to do NaNoWriMo this year, but not excited enough to try to find a way to push through the storm of unexpected crap that decided to wreak havoc on my life near the start of week two. If you’ve been paying any kind of attention, you probably noticed I stopped updating around Day 5, and haven’t updated since.
There are any number of excuses I could offer. Swamped with work, overwhelmed by real life circumstances that ran rampant through my days and nights for a few days. My heart wasn’t invested in it enough to find a way to carry on. All of those excuses fit, and I’m sure they’re all valid to some extent, but the last one feels the tightest if I’m being completely honest.
I’ve tried to explain what I’m going through as a writer to the people I talk to writing about a few times, and I just haven’t been able to articulate it as well as I could because I can’t truly articulate it for myself. There’s a part of me that wants to tell a story, and I want to tell it so bad I can taste it, but I haven’t fully wrapped my head around the story I want to tell, so I can’t actually write it. I’m not getting any younger, so the pressure to write something… anything… is often incredibly high–and stressful–but like I said, I’m getting older by the day, so why would I waste time that can be spent doing other things I love trying to write something I’m just not feeling.
So, I will not be adding anymore NaNoWriMo posts at the this time, and unless I wake up at 3AM from some kind of earth-shattering eureka that convinces me I could write 50,000 words in 15 or 10 or even 5 days, I will probably not attempt to finish out the NaNoWriMo season. I’m okay with that for the first time. No guilt or self-abuse over it, just a sort of peaceful calm that I will write when I’m good and ready to write and not a moment before.
For those still out there writing, I’m rooting for you always. I hope you can finish your novel, or at least meet the 50K goal and feel good about what you’ve accomplished!